I know that you are probably sick of hearing about My friends who have passed awaay and reading memorial shit this month. I guess March is just a heavy month for loss for Me…
But, it is the anniversary of the death of someone who was near and dear to Me, so I wanted to publish this piece I wrote about My friend and tattooiist, JIm.
the thing about being a freak in a small town
The thing about being a freak in a small town is that when you lose one of your fellow freaks you feel it really, really deeply.
The thing about being a freak in a small town is that you feel so much more of an outcast. There’s no big city nearby to find other like minded freaks and weirdos. Alot of times, freaks in small towns find other weirdos and build themselves a little community. In the small county of Berkshire in the hills of western Massachusetts I certainly built Myself a little community of freaks, geeks and weirdos. Body art aficionados, artists, performers, like minded souls.
I have always been big on respecting your elders, knowing history of things you are passionate about and who you owe a debt to. In Berkshire County a lot of it came down to Jimmy Squires. My best friend Emrys Yetz was Jim’s cousin, I have been getting ink for over a decade by Adam Walsh, who also was mentored by Jim. When I am feeling lonely and in need of some like minded friends I’d go to Jim’s tattoo shop. It always somehow came back to Jim. Jim Squires. He was that guy that everybody knew. If you didn’t know him you knew someone who did, and if you didn’t have a tattoo by him you knew someone who did. It didn’t even end with just the freaks either. He had cred in all sorts of ways and with all sorts of people. Local business owners, he was a member of the Masons lodge, he worked with Ridefilm inc and helped work on the back to the future ride, as well as the Matrix II and X Men films. Everyone who met him loved him. They loved him so much that at his funeral service everyone was saying how Jim was their best friend.
As anyone with any considerable amount of ink can tell you, a tattoo artist is more than just someone who puts ink in your skin. They are your therapist, confidante, they GET you, they bring your ideas to life, they change you, make you feel better about yourself, they ARE your best friend.
When your best friend dies it hurts, a lot. For a really long time. I keep hearing it gets better but I don’t know about that. Hopefully this pain gets a little bit more dull. But when you are wearing a permanent physical piece on your skin that is there day in and day out to remind what an awesome and talented and amazing friend you have in Jim Squires it feels really hard to move on from. When there’s a whole community of people who feel this deeply it becomes even harder to cope. Everyone wants to lean on everyone else to make it better bu everyone is just so goddamn sad!
I am not only a freak in a small town, I am also a sex worker. Because of that everybody, and especially everybody in this small ton treats Me differently. Jim always just treated Me like a person, and I don’t think I ever got to tell him how much I appreciated that and how rare that is for Me. He never bragged to everyone that he tattooed the pornstar. But between him and I, he’d razz Me just like he’d razz anybody else. He’d joke that he was the only man in My life who could make Me scream “OH MY GOD” as he was jamming a needle into the back of My knee. He was a sadistic fuck! He really liked to bring the pain when it came to tattooing and he’d laugh while he was hurting you. Or maybe that was just Me, and maybe that was just because he knew I needed it so much.
Jim was drawing ALL the time. On everything. His nephew told a story of Jim saying that he did not have nightmares because he drew them. I had planned on a “Tales from the Crypt” calf piece for a few years but the planets hadn’t aligned to make it happen yet. Emrys told Jim about it and he offered to do it because he was also such a fan of the comics and show. I didn’t have much money, but I AM italian and Jim DID love to eat so we started trading tattoo sessions for home cooked meals. I mean I was cooking for this man four times a week (he never would eat vegetables). He was a real pain in the ass. You’d make an appointment with him, take the day off work, drive out there and he’d tell you that he’d double booked, or didn’t feel like it. He was a real bastard that way. He didn’t give any fucks and he was on his own time. (see how this might run in the family? All the reasons him and Emrys gave each other a hard time were all the reasons they were alike. Must be a Squires thing.) I always came back for more abuse anyway, and was grateful for any time he would give Me.
Within no time My little Cryptkeeper tattoo turned into a whole calf piece, and then into an entire leg sleeve. It takes a great amount of trust to give an entire limb to an artist and tell them they can do what they like with it. We were both so excited about it, and it was so close to being done. Now it will never be done as far as I’m concerned, how do you have someone else work on a tattoo your dead friend started?
Jim tattooed the haunted house from Tales from the Crypt on My thigh, that motherfucker tattooed a penis on the top steeple of the house. He made Me go around like that for MONTHS before he covered it up. He didn’t do a very good job covering it up tho, and I could always see it. He promised to go over it again after the tattoo was finished. Which will be never. Guess the jokes on Me.
After his funeral service while I was telling this story someone else said “Jim tattooed a dick on me too!” I wondered how many people there are in the world with dicks tattooed on them courtesy of Jim Squires.
It’s ten days later and the sting hasn’t gone away and it still feels surreal.
It’s winter so it’s been really easy to keep My leg covered and not have to look at it. Even in the shower I find Myself making an effort not to really look at it. I worked at a stripclub last night and I had to shave My leg, so I had to really look at it. I had another good cry in the shower and composed Myself and got to work. Inevitably people ask Me about this huge full horror leg piece I have and ask who did it and I have to talk about Jim and find Myself getting all emotional again. There was another stripper at the club who had known and truly loved Jimmy and had tattoos by him as well. Are you really surprised? Jimmy loved strippers! Ha! I wonder how many strippers are in the world with artwork by Jim on them…continuing to share the art with the rest of the world. The gift that keeps on giving.
Thank you Jim, for all the gifts, for all your time. I am proud to have known you, and proud to have been enough of a freak to be in your inner circle.
Jim is survived by his teenage son Shaun who must feel very overwhelmed. My heart goes out to him and his whole family. His family is holding a benefit of much love on feb 28th at the Italian Itam Lodge in Pittsfield MA. All of the benefits will be for the unexpected funeral expenses and his sons educational fund. They are seeking items to donate for the raffle as well. Much more info can be found here: https://www.facebook.com/events/1541639612750864/ *outdated*
if you are unable to make it to the event but want to donate to a great cause for a great man please visit the gofundme campaign: http://www.gofundme.com/js2nac *outdated*
I would be honoured if some of My fans would make a donation in My name. Consider that your tribute to Mistress for the month. Jim would have really gotten a kick out of that.
This photo was taken by Me at Armory Studios gallery show at the BRTA in pittsfield, MA.
It came from My blog and you can find more photos of Jims artwork, and some photos of My vagina here: http://myownbrain.livejournal.com/98505.html