I wanted to drop in ad write a blog, I mean I have like ten blogs I need to write but I’m trying to be organized about it
Today I wanted to talk about some of My recent experiences as a filmmaker and photographer and what’s going on with all the smut and art making.
I spent the summer doing a whole bunch of group shoots, like one per month, it was wild. So so many photos I am STILL releasing here and will be well into the new year.
At the end of the season I was feeling pretty burnt out. And I also had injured My leg in June at TreasureCams content camp and I’ve been in a knee brace since, so I really wanted to take it easy.
But that’s never the way life goes right? I mean I got a bunch of really cool opportunities so I took them!
One of them was that I got the opportunity to produce this commercial for a dating site.
I was so, so excited about this.
Looking back now, I see there was many problems from the start that I should have paid attention to, and this one wasn’t a super happy success story lol.
So, I cast it with TreasureCams models, and the company first said it was great. But then early on they had problems with the cast and wanted Me to recast it. They actually requested specific models and it felt a bit meat-market-y to Me.
I told them that maybe some of the models they’d chosen were not a great fit, and that I’d cast it with folks who I knew could do a bit of acting and who would work well with each other and who were a joy to have on set.
But they wanted to cast it according to a more traditional beauty standard really.
It was a struggle.
We compromised and ended up with a cast we were both ok with.
I had to OK every single aspect through them. They wrote the script, sent specs how they wanted it shot, I had no artistic control over really anything.
I then started having problems with the location. I had told them I intended to shoot it in a large well lit studio I was going to rent. I was going to bring in My white couch and some plants and make it look a bit “homey”. They agreed, then they changed their mind and said they wanted Me to shoot in an actual home.
So I hunted for that. Most airbnbs have rules about not shooting content in them, and even tho this wasn’t hardcore in nature the last thing I wanted was a fucking problem.
Or, when I’d find the perfect thing it’d be way outside the price range we agreed upon (which wa only $300 so friends, you try finding a perfect location for a five model day long shoot for $300, it’s sort of impossible)
So, I finally found this gorgeous location, in a literal mansion. But it was a 2.5 hour drive for Me….They agreed to rent it for the price I had by some miracle (or because they are broke & chaotic and needed the money) the company I was producing for said the location looked great and they couldn’t wait.
They checked in like a thousand times in the weeks leading up to the shoot. Lots of back and forth, and how is everything going and are you sure you read the script and saw the specs. I assured them I had. Then one of the models dropped out and I had to find a replacement. So it was more work.
Then when I asked about what paperwork the models would be signing they didn’t have any…..I said I was not comfortable leaving set without folks signing release forms. We agreed that the models would sign my release forms, which stated I intended to resell the footage to this company.
By the time everything was finalized and we were getting to shoot I’d estimate I had put in about 15 hours.
Then the shoot came! I was real organized. Folks had the script for weeks beforehand. I also had cue cards. All the necessary paperwork printed out. I had checklists.
Luckily for Me, Morgan Fey who was cast in the commercial had also agreed to be My assistant and was helping Me tick off the boxes of stuff we needed, and make sure I kept track of the shot list.
The shoot went really well! There was a couple hiccups at the mansion….it was not really cleaned up to My standards, and there was some folks that kept coming and going and ruined My shots afew times….but other than that! Great! Beautiful space! The models had a fire in the giant fireplace in order to keep warm because it was rather cold.
It’s worth mentioning this was October, actually peak of busy season for Me photography wise, with such a short fall foliage season I wasn’t exactly thrilled with adding another big project to My plate but, I also thought, what a cool opportunity!
We all had a nice time in the mansion. We shot everything we needed to. I also shot some extra photos for photosets for this site and for TreasureCams promo! Some of the stuff came out great and ended up being included My 2024 photography calendar featuring TreasureCams models.
Here’s a couple of photos of folks on set!
It was a looooong ass day, but I felt great about it. We all felt good I think. When I got home to process the footage it was a bit stressful. I had shot everything at 4k!! So the files were BIG! I had to purchase more storage space to be able to transfer the footage. So that sucked. Each clip took almost a full day to render and upload and there was alot of footage so I worked on it every single day for like 6 days. Finally got everything to them, well within the timeframe I had promised. I was proud. I thought everything looked great!
I waited patiently for a few weeks for feedback, finally they told Me they had some feedback about the footage, some good but that they also had some issues.
I wondered if the issues would be like, the models they didn’t like or something…I couldn’t imagine.
I scheduled a meeting with them, and was waiting to get My flowers and for them to tell Me how happy they were.
Instead, they told Me they were not happy with the footage. So unhappy in fact that they didn’t want to pay for it. Earlier in negotiations they had asked Me to pay the models first out of My own pocket and then they’re reimburse Me. I said no, and that they could p[ay the performers directly. They agreed.
Anyway, during the meeting it got brought up again and they said I would have to pay the models.
I did not feel good about it and held My ground.
They asked if I would re shoot it.
I was already over 20 hours into this project, there was just no way that was happening without more pay (and they hadn’t even paid yet)
They asked if they could do some impromptu interview style things with the models, and I said I couldnt recommend that the models film any more without pay and that we’d all worked really hard on it.
Then they started coming up with some more reasons why they couldn’t pay Me.
Like: the location was too dark, it looked like a castle and they wanted something that looked homey. I reminded them they OKayed the location and in fact said they were thrilled about it. I had provided images of course.
Then they said the acting was really bad.
Some of it was, I agreed, but then again I had specifically said those performers would have a hard time with lines. We’re pornstars not actors ya know.
I also said the script was really, very bad and it was so unnatural.
The tagline was like: “join me on a journey of playful exploration” who tf talks like that?
They admitted the script was written by someone who didn’t even speak english as a first language.
So, I told them it sounded like a them problem, but not My problem.
Hey they didn’t like the way it was filmed. They thought I’d get some closeups etc. I reminded them I followed exactly the production guide they gave Me, which did not include any closeups whatsoever.
Listen, this is not how *I* would have filmed a commercial. I would have had it in a different location with maybe different models with better dialgue with more artistic choices but…those are their choices to make.
In the end we had some heated words, and I had to really, really I mean really fight to get paid.
I got paid more than a month later.
My pay rate was $500 before tax. After the arguing, meetings and endless emails back and forth trying to get paid, I put like 60 hours into this.
It was a major loss. Like, a huge L for Bella Vendetta.
They ended up not even using the footage they hated it so much.
I’ve never had that happen before.
It totally crushed My self esteem, and to top it off I had to have soooo so many emails back and forth with the models to let them know they werent even going to use the footage and then to keep them in the loop about when theyd finally get paid.
It was one of the most unprofessional experiences of My career. And I’m in porn yall!
The next project I had was being Director of Photography on someone elses film.
I have never done that either!
I was hella nervous. I had studied the source materials, the script, the vibe, and had taken all sorts of notes a bout what I wanted to and how I wanted to shoot it.
Morgan Fey was coming to be My assistant on set and I was so so excited.
I had packed meticulously.My car was gassed up and ready to go and I was up and awake and ready to start My journey to NH.
I had the car running and was going back and forth from the house to the car bringing everything out, and I got a phone call.
My Grandmother had passed away.
It was sort of shocking and gut wrenching, as My only living grandparent.
My phone started blowing up with calls from family and info.
I turned My car off to deal with it all.
In the midst of all that, My little old lady chihuahua, Rosalita was crying, and I go over and see that she’s pissed blood all over the floor!
Omg I was freaking out. My pets are like My children so it was full panic mode. I first called the assistant director of the film and was like…um, I’m experiencing like 2 emergencies at once. I know that totally sounds like a made up customer story but like: My Grandma just died and My dog is really sick.
They sort of tried to talk Me into coming saying it’d be fine and it’ll be good for Me to work and be around friends and maybe I should just bring the dog?
I got off the phone not really knowing what to do.
So I called Morgan, and she was like, I’m so sorry, obviously you cancel the film. Take care of your dog and your family.
SO I called back to AD and said I needed to cancel and they were like, super disappointed and insisted I call the director Myself to tell them. Which I did, and thankfully they weren’t awful about it but I know they were mad.
I happened to find out at the same time that My great Aunt, My Grandmothers sister, was in the hospital with covid, and that earlier that morning, My father had been rushed to the hospital with breathing problems.
WOW yall it was alot.
I had to contact the emergency vet. My poor little baby had a very bad bladder infection, so we got her the medicine she needed and I spent the next few days at home, crying, holding My dog and feeling deep down like a piece of shit failure as an artist and producer and camera person.
Looking back: I realized that Morgan was the only one who had a human, ad friend response. Making Me call while in active freakout, multiple people, trying to convince Me to work anyway, none of that was kind and I have feelings about it that are not loving.
In the new year: I want folks in My life who when I say, I am having an emergency, they say: please take care of yourself! That’s the correct response.
Two losses, two professional failures, back to back was alot for Me to process.
I hate failing at shit, I am bad at losing.
My self confidence in the toilet.
Grieving, My wife was at work all the time, I felt alone and sad.
But, then it was November. And I was working on a project I was stoked about. Doing a art installation in a window for the city for their annual winter lights event!
I was excited about that one, I had all My lights My drawings all the work was done. I had printed photos out and framed them and matted them and had a tree and decorations.
I was ready!
A few days before install I heard from them and they said the store I was supposed to install in had had a break in and so they didn’t want anyone in there and had taken the offer away.
I asked if there was somewhere else I could do the install? They said no.
I was crushed I tell you.
But then, what I thought was a Christmas miracle! A local shoppe had agreed to let Me decorate the window. It wasn’t on main street which was bummer, but better than nothing.
So, I met with the owner and he shows Me the window and it’s HUGE like three times the size of the other one. I was afraid of it looking sparse so I told him to give Me a little bit more time, and I collected some more things. I incorporated a bear rug into it and a pink chair and this cute lil cozy winter setup.
The day I went to install it, I arrived and there was….already a display in the window?
A nice one that someone had obviously spent time on.
I inquired about it, and asked if whoever had set it up knew I was coming…he said he thought I was just hanging a few things in the window…I’m like…remember the whole convo about like, the bear rug and stuff? He said to just move the stuff around.
I said I felt really weird touching someone elses stuff like that and also that was manual labor I was not agreeing to do.
So he started angrily just pushing stuff back, leaving Me this tiny like 2 foot space to manuever around and try to hang My stuff.
I was upset, I called My wife crying and tried to explain what was going on…
I did the best I could. It did NOT look good. They wouldn’t let Me cover too much of the window because they wanted you to be able to see inside the store. But inside the store was this mess of stuff that the owner had juust pushed back and rearranged. It looked like someones garage.
I needed…something I think more tape or something, so I said Id come back and finish the next day, and the next day they came and told Me I was covering too much of the window and had to take some stuff down.
I re arranged again. And then when I got home, there was this angry email telling Me I had to move all the stuff to a different window because they didn’t want the view obscured.
So the next day I went in and just removed everything.
Put it back into My car and had a good cry about it.
It was just…three failed projects in as many weeks was…too much for Me.
I haven’t felt that disappointed or down in so long.
It lowkey sort of ruined the holiday season for Me. I can’t walk downtown because I’m sad looking at everyones display.
At the same time tho:
All things come to an end. I’ve been a Western Mass head for…well, most of My life! I’ve been here and actively participating in art, culture and community for like 2 decades.
I actually think it’s time for Me to move on.
My wife and I are current looking at property and land, ad it won’t be in Western, MA.
It sort of feels like this little cherry on the top and the Universe really showing Me what is not meant for Me.
So, glad to have a clean break and know I won’t be missing anything!
I’m already laying out how My next year will look. I want it to look very different than this year looked! I’ll be doing a different blog for yall, all about what I accomplished this year, and what I plan to accomplish next year!
I hope you’ve been enjoying all the content I’ve been putting out. It’s alot of work, but work I enjoy and feel great about. It’s so nice having this site and not having restrictions on what I can do or say or create.
I sincerely appreciate all of My subscribers so so much. Thanks for being on this journey with Me, even when I’m telling you how things did NOT go right!
I have another story about a film I produced that DID go right tho!
So, after all that loss, you know in September I had co produced and guest directed a film for Wasteland Productions.
Starring Seska and The Lady Katrina. The production company took a sweet long time getting back to Me about it BUT I got this phone call that said:
WE LOVED THE FILM! We loved the art direction, the lighting was perfect, the editing is great. We were so impressed by how organized you were with everything the stills are beautiful thanks so much for your hard work.
Like: THANK YOU! I had been waiting to hear that!
They want to submit the scene for a 2025 AVN Award so that’s quite exciting.
I will be releasing THAT film here very shortly so stay tuned.
For now, here’s a few teaser photos to get you excited about it!
Thanks for the love everyone <3
After all was said and done it was November, and I was on