Looking back this past month and seeing all the photos from the various stripclubs,it was almost like\u2026triggering, but I felt like I had to do it and share it and get it out of My system. It\u2019s important to look back on it and undeniable that the clubs, and My engagements there and the friends I made there and the events I threw, had deep impacts on Me and those around Me. For real.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It almost feels like a drug sometimes. My desire to go back to dancing. I know it\u2019s kind of like, over for Me and I don\u2019t think I will ever ever dance as a house girl again, but I do dream of one day coming back and doing feature dancing and live events.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am pretty damn good at it\u2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Evidenced by wow, so many successful events.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It also makes Me feel a way because I look back on ALL these successful events, all the money flying around, all the free press for the clubs and pornstars at their events.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And I remember all the headaches I would have setting up, all the managers who didn\u2019t wanna play ball. Fukin, counting money from events I am hosting and then asking Me for a house fee\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Too lazy to print up flyers or do basic advertising. Just so much unprofessionalism,I mean, it IS Western MA after all right! And how they just didn\u2019t really show Me love in the end there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I mean, if they had I would have never accepted a job managing Castaways because I would have been loyal to the MG and downtown clubs. I woulda been happy with My cut of things like the door, or the pay for graphic design, advertising, feature dancer booking, event photography and so on and so forth. But I wasn\u2019t. I felt disposable. And in the end they didn\u2019t really care when I quit dancing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I look at all these beautiful young women on stage, our lives SO affected by what we were doing and our surroundings, and how so many of us have moved on, passed on or burned out, it\u2019s just wild to Me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I do miss it. I wish covid was not a thing and the world was completely different. I would go back to travel and touring.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But the real truth is, I am so happy now, as a homebody. I am happy with My routine and My schedule and gazing over the mountains while I write blogs and not being sore from dancing, and not putting endless miles on My car going back and forth over the mountain in the ice and snow, and I am happy working from home and making art.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am happy being sober!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That\u2019s the damn truth!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, don\u2019t judge Me if you see Me sliding down a pole in the future, over 40, doing splits and shit. It might happen one day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
First I think I might need to write a book about it all!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I could write a book about My experiences with photographer Bob Coulter alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n